Absorbed in her world

Absorbed in her world

When numbers were not yet allowed to grade us in primary school, they used terms such as “progresses adequately” or “improvement needed” with a small section on the right for further comments. My parents would read all of them each time I brought them home:

“Haha, look at what this one says: she is absorbed in her world” used to read aloud my father. “The world seems to be far more interesting than what’s inside the class” I would reply at the tender age of 8 years. Just kidding. I’d probably say something less profound. Maybe.

And today I am sitting here in this table that seems so strange and yet so familiar. I sit here everyday to pay attention to what teachers say.

I sit in this very table because my parents made it possible, as an opportunity for live. And yet I keep wasting the opportunity to learn the most of it, because I keep thinking I could be doing something else. So I am not totally present of the current facts. Thanks yoga. Mindfulness might not be working today.

I read somewhere (probably in Brainpickings) that our daily routine is a representation of how we spend the rest of our lives. An extension of what the pattern of our future life will look like. Wow.

So I keep wondering if ignoring the current moment would be my life. But the wonders do not end here.

I am in a bad mood because it’s been days (almost a week!) since I wrote something worth sharing in the blog. Yes, not everything I write is published in the blog. So that means I can even write more bullshit. Who could have guessed, huh?

Writing is a lonely task. Mainly because you just spend the whole process alone (well, except for the fact of writing in the middle of a Management class. At least I write my own business. Today I’m killing it). But somehow, my personality is shaped like I constantly need external feedback, so I need to send my writings to different people to tell me how they feel about it.

It works perfectly, because I want (or I need it) trustworthy opinion before making a decision, but it’s terrible in terms of timing. Because with this system, you depend on others. And I can’t stand that. At least for my blog, because I treat it as a professional tool, so this blog is a priority for me. Although I am doing a million things at a time. Like reading multiple books, starting to read poetry and actually getting something out of it… even practicing yoga. On top of that, I am also trying to have a personal life.

That’s why I wonder if I am basically ignoring my present to dream about the future as I am writing things down that are not at all related to strategic sales management. At least i’m in the last row of the class, so the teacher can’t see my screen.

And I wonder if something has changed at all from that little girl of 8 years who looked outside the window, thinking there might be something else, somewhere else she’d rather be.